chng of plns

nothing so much new, its always a circle of goings on, same old, different feelings
i returned from southern vacations not so much a different, changed, or fulfilled person, i guess just a more independent one, more clear to me who i am and what i believe in, who i believe in, whatever.

convinced myself i could become someone who could put emotion and thought aside while living life for the sake of living it, which lasted purely for two or so weeks, and eventually turned into a nervous breakdown, no, ok not a nervous breakdown, a financial and mental disaster of my mind fighting with my actions to let it go back to normal

haha, normal

buffalo has been kind to me since i've returned, i was greeted with open arms and cigarettes and love filled nights with girl friends and drunken text messages from boy friends. it was never a struggle to get back into my life here, the trees are much different, even the sky is different, but i always always feel such relief when i touch ground in western new york and know i have places and people and things i love and exist because of waiting for me.

this is perhaps not the summer of love and experience any longer,
rather the summer of self reflection, emotional growing, novels on weekdays,
wines and arts and cheeses and friends every day of my life.

though i will say this about nashville and those it holds, being
you can never seem too ridiculous, your ideas will never seem silly or as if they are NOT hilarious, everyone will love them. props and photo shoots will be daily occurances and no one finds anything wrong with it. i guess just a different way to remember things.

F/N/A/W is over, for now

spring grasses alone, drinking wine and sun worship, cat stevens on the ipod, ahhhh