winter winter
new home
same loves
home cooked meals

still feeling black, blank, bleak,
sometimes,
it's hard to tell differences in feelings
i don't want to walk away
i don't want to go back to old
things, people, heart stings, whatever
but everything feels quite "off", even with a fresh coat of white all over this city
some simple time away this weekend
white dresses and pincurls
it would be nice for winter to end sooner than later,
definately

things to overanalyze, continued:

i hate when you drink, i sleep
my chest tenses, stomach turns,
excluded from pieces of your life
you aren't sharing

37 degrees, counting down,
i want to exclude you but
never could

faceless, nameless lttrs

an unknown person, secretive with no reasons
constricts the boundries and pulls away, a bit more
a bit less, repeat, over and over again

so confused now, like always, unsure of worthiness
of troubles for nothing, of under appreciations toward
my spirit and my company

the closest person to me won't let me be close
backing away is immature, unnatural to me
inabilities to be cared for or opening themselves
up
out

defense, crying loudly to stop, to trust in me
to want to know my inners
to let me see and hear and feel yours
cynically, rather, becoming weary that this will improve

autumn now & i need yr warmth

i am isolated, again.
this feeling comes each time i think of you or feel you or
imagine lacking you
it already feels so over, i already have won and lost,
so quickly

to remember even a short time ago
the feeling of falling, the fleeting image you shone
incredibly bright, you are completely unaware

backing things up, restrictions on hold, i gave it
i gave you
i have given you

senses, and tastes especially
i felt it and your eyes cut it into my frontal lobe
i imagine everything, i imagine that

inside the grasp of you
inside the lips, the tongue, the arms,
the warmth of your legs, my legs,
i will hold you with my strength which comes and goes
regardless of weather, regardless of colour

black or white or yellow or grey, the in betweens
you are my last place resembling home
losing everything,

k

seasons effectively

• grieving the loss of summer sun and feeling
• prioritizing every last detail/memoirs
• buffalo release, lake erie's grip
  
• september illnesses, throat soreness, body aches, head swims
• darker nights, colder nights, slower beats, minor key melodies

• "If man's awaking is harder, if it breaks the spell too abruptly, it is because he has been led to make for himself too impoverished a notion of atonement."

still repetition STILL

underwhelmed by the holdings on hearts of others, men

so overwhelming 

twenty five years now

twelve of those wrapped inside of several

in your stance i am understanding but neglectful to recognize

so summer is over now, it's not so sad

but repeatedly, i miss you

i could never ever admit

marble fingertips, marble eyes, marble intentions

Adj. 1. soulless - lacking sensitivity or the capacity for deep feeling

i have absolutely no idea what is going on
my heart is cut