VOIDS

emotionally, physically, whatever, 

how much of this is really based on actual synapses and human tendency, and how much is based on forcefed jumbles of mirrors and mannequins

so, i guess, when it feels primative and unkempt and irrational, i cant argue it as easily

there were drops of understanding and likening, pouring down my cheeks intermittently, in between black curtains and a live action mixed media-

i couldn't help it, i mean sitting right beside me and it was validating everything i felt through waves in the room 

but i turned it off because, as always, it's not appropriate- i mean, a room filled with people, thinking different things and probably interpreting negatively rather than having it rationalize your sense that how nonsensical and intense you feel isn't crazy, rather one of the most real things you have felt

so, i ran through the night, self medicating to make it easier to hold back, turning off logical thoughts and urges and feelings in general

ran into the next day and thought about how my life just isn't consistant right now

but how consistancy fuels complacancy, and how though harder, perhaps it's better to fight so hard- so you will never lose appreciation of this

before everything, new loves and happiness have entered sporadically this spring, already-

in the form of female bonding and common interest and thought patterns, someone to inspire and motivate me, as so many in my life the past few months have been

and instead of bumming and flustering and burying my head under covers- alone- unfeeling and under experiencing things, i feel finally my stand-still has been lifted and i am being released amongst the people i was meant to release to

i will spend mass amounts of time on her rooftop this summer

cooking and eating and wine drinking, dancing

dreaming - being young and grateful that the city feels alive and so do we

LOVE AND SUMMER

compelling as it has been lately, nothing is missing

so it tends to make a girl wonder, re-consider, avoid, worry, whatever

had that dream again, a few nights ago, tall brown trees and yellow and red leaves, surrounded and laying and looking upward - everything made sense, woke up a clairvoyant

sat down & thought for a bit and realized for once

i had nothing to think about

so created things with leftover supplies, to remember those tall trees with yellow and red leaves, and hung them above my bed

drove to see k, up on the rooftop overlooking activity and life and friendships and emotions, discussing and learning and red wines. brown boots wrapped around black boots wrapped around brown boots, we held hands, closed our eyes to the velvet underground, and breathed in summer.

THIS IS THE SUMMER OF LOVE AND EXPERIENCE.